The Dream-Day 91 (Top 10 Ways To Co-Exist With Your Tri-Athlete Partner)

Since I can't figure out how to create a freakin' document on FB and/or hyperlink the file (I'm no Stephen Hawking)...this is the best I could do.
Enjoy!

Top 10 Ways to Co-exist with your Tri-athlete Partner

10. Compliment their equipment.

The 2005 edition of the US$6,000 bicycle that occupies a prominent space in our dining room has third-child status in this family. Allow your tri-athlete to store prized equipment wherever they deem best. If it’s the dining room, then it’s there for you, the kids, the nanny, and the Bonaqua deliveryman to admire at any time. And when you are sitting down to dinner, there’s no forgetting to throw in the casual comment or two such as, “Honey, the Cervelo is simply radiant tonight. She must’ve had a fantastic performance this morning.”

9. Buy into the whole Protein Management diet

Six egg whites scrambled, and a piece of dry toast. The PERFECT start to the day. Surprise your tri-athlete every morning with the same breakfast and they’ll think they’ve died and gone to heaven. Not only are you encouraging the perfect balance between carbohydrates and proteins but you are also doing what a tri-athlete loves more than anything…subscribing to a routine. After all, a triathlon is a race that consists of the same three disciplines in the same order every time – swimming, biking then running. Training is basically repeating the same activity over and over again. Breakfast is no different in their mind. Show them you understand.

8. Become a fixture at race time no matter how early the guns blow.

Since your tri-athlete will be a walking nerve-end in the wee hours before a race, forgo getting any more rest. Conserve their energy and take them to the starting point even though this is at least an hour before the sun rises. I’ve come to believe that the sun is the equivalent of the Devil on race day. Maybe the glare of the sun on the water might sear their sensitive corneas. Or maybe getting up after dawn would blow their “early bird gets the worm” mentality. Either way, when you chauffeur your triathlete to the starting area you are there for the mad rush of wetsuits into the water, have plenty of time to schlep to the transition area for the cycle and still get a good seat in the bleachers-they-promised-would-exist-but-don’t for the finish. Just don’t miss them crossing the finish line because you were busy trying to get your teeth through the free PowerBar the perky race coordinators handed you. They’ll be disappointed, I promise.

7. Stay awake during long, drawn out discussions about race locations, stroke efficiency and body fat counts.

Imagine you are at a cocktail party. Another tri-athlete walks into the room. You didn’t notice, but your tri-athlete did. Suddenly they have a companion in the form of a willing ear with whom to compare their latest accomplishment. As a supportive significant other, you stick together for the first several minutes, nodding,

“Hmmming” and seeming rapt by the conversation now centering on a race that takes place in the Gobi Desert? Then at the first sign of a lull, you make a mad dash for the restroom where you find all the other non-tri-athlete spouses, dates, and significant others are hiding. Good save, now it’s your turn to bond.

6. Consider a late night getting into bed anytime after 9:00pm.

We were at a party one night where half the crowd consisted of fellow tri-athletes. The non-athletic arm of the crowd had just kicked things into high-gear when someone’s tribody walked up and politely yawned, “Honey, you ready to go home? It’s getting late.” Off you go…

5. Give up a shelf in your closet because the commemorative race t-shirts are piling up.

It wouldn’t be a real triathlon without a commemorative t-shirt handed out in the race kit. These shirts are usually of an awkward size, WAY to big or WAY too small for the racer. They contain colors the printer had on special for his season blowout sale and are made from a stiff, yet washable cotton/poly material. Competitors will compare last year’s design to the latest one, marveling at how the organizers could possibly have created something even uglier this year. These t-shirts are always kept as a memento. When worn in public, the racer sports a sort of status symbol, challenging anyone brave enough to ask about it. When the stack in the closet begins to topple over, make some room.

4. Admit that “Honey, do you mind if I go for a long run?” is a rhetorical question.

“No of course not, dear.” Translated from Greek to wife-speak means: “Just be back by Tuesday and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

3. Accept that your tri-athlete’s friends of the opposite sex have better bodies than yours.

Sadly, you recognize that although they are ripped, they have NO appreciation for Haagen-Dazs Dulce de Leche ice cream, poor, poor souls.

2. Plan vacations around the world to coincide with certain races.

This one’s not so bad when you consider there are some must-do races held in places like Phuket, Thailand and the Cook Islands. But it reiterates the fact that your idea of a vacation (lazy mornings cuddling in bed, lying on the beach, reading trashy novels, sipping pina coladas poolside) is very different from theirs (6am bike, 9am run, lengthy swim in the ocean, light lunch….) but hey; you’re in the Cook Islands, Baby!

1. Give it a try.

Did I just say that? I must admit I got curious one year and decided to see what the fuss was all about. I trained for and completed a miniature version of a triathlon. My husband remembers me nimbly striding through the ribbon tape, but gets the biggest kick out of the way I leaned over the barrier after the swim and asked him to help me yank off my wetsuit. That’s totally against the rules, DUH! But it’s a memory that always gets a good chuckle out of him.